My Eggo is Preggo!
March 20, 2011 at 12:14 pm | Posted in Pregnancy, Ramblings | Leave a commentIt has been a long time since I have written here, so I may ramble a bit. After seven months, I can finally say that my eggo is preggo! Yes, I am ten weeks pregnant. I have known now for a month and a half, but there are times that it still does not seem real to me. I am also starting to realize that despite all of my prior knowledge on everything pregnancy, baby, hormones, etc, there is still a lot of stuff I don’t know.
One of these new pieces of knowledge I have acquired is the whole pregnancy dating scam. No, I’m not talking about knocked up women trying to meet skeezy losers on match.com. And well, perhaps scam isn’t the best word, but I digress. What I am talking about is the weird system that is used to tell how far along a woman is in her pregnancy. Here is how it works. By the time a home pregnancy test is able to detect that you are pregnant, you have already clocked in about four weeks of pregnancy. However, you have only really been pregnant (egg implanted into the uterus) for maybe a week or so. Huh? What is this time/space travel mumbo jumbo? Well, apparently doctors use the first day of your last period as the “start” of your pregnancy to better predict your due date. So it is sort of like I was “grandfathered in” once I actually found out I was pregnant. It still boggles the mind.
Another thing I never realized is how utterly stupid I would become. Now I have never been the most “together” person, but “pregnancy brain” has brought me to a whole other level. In the past few weeks alone I have lost my wallet, lost my jacket twice, and confused doctors’ appointment among other things. My friend Kara gave me some delightful news. “You will never get your brain back, ever.” Thanks, Kara.
The irony about me becoming more and more stupid is that everyone else all of a sudden seems smarter. People around me have developed supernatural psychic network telling powers. As I told people of my news I would hear comments like, I knew something was up. I was just telling so-and-so that I bet you are pregnant. I am also getting all kinds of gender predictions as if these people were the oracle. Well, they do have a 50% shot at getting it right. I am also getting all kinds of wonderful, unsolicited advice. Most people mean well, I know. Others have this urge to impose upon you what your experience will be, even those who have never had any children. For example, I am tired of hearing about hot I am going to be when I’m in my third semester in the summer. Yes, I know. I will be on freaking fire! You don’t have to remind me. The bottom line is that everyone’s an expert, and I will just have to get used to it. Maybe if I shut up and stop complaining, my shriveled up little pregnancy brain might learn something useful.
The Journey Begins
March 13, 2010 at 5:35 am | Posted in Bipolar Disorder, Other Topics, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Ramblings | 1 CommentThose who know me well know that I am spontaneous, unpredictable, and well, kind of flaky. In college, I changed majors like most people change socks. Before I met and married my husband, I had a series of short relationships, because I changed my mind…a lot. I have had many plans, but due to my fickle nature, most of them did not come to fruition. I am an explorer. However, the one thing that I have always been sure of through my entire life is that I want to be a mother. I remember being four years old and thinking up the names of my future children. I had the perfect one picked out for a little girl: Syrup. It had a nice ring to it. Perhaps this was due to my love of pancakes and Aunt Jemima maple syrup, but I digress.
Well finally, after years of searching for the right man, getting my career in order, and becoming settled, I am ready to start a family. This should be simple right? Sperm and egg. Not rocket science. There is just one thing that makes my situation very different. I have bipolar disorder.
For people who don’t know what bipolar disorder is, I will give you two definitions. The textbook definition says, “Any of the mood disorders typically characterized by periods of mania and depression.” The second definition? “The ability to be on top of the world one minute and in the depths of despair the next, also known as ‘hell on earth.’” Basically, having bipolar disorder sucks. It sucks more for some than for others. Luckily, mine consists of only a moderate amount of suckage. I am fortunate enough to be one of those who was diagnosed fairly early in life. I have a family that recognizes this for what it is, a mental disorder. I am not crazy (though sometimes I do feel that way). I am “different.” I am proud to say that I have been able to live a pretty productive life. I have a good marriage, a loving family, and two master’s degrees. So what is the big deal with taking on parenthood?
The big deal is that it is….PARENTHOOD! I will be responsible for this other person. I will have to make sure they are fed and clothed. Frankly, there are days when I am lucky to do that for myself! I am supposed to be the person that my child can depend on. What if I am having a majorly bad time when my child needs me the most? What if I pass this “thing” on to him or her? What if the medications I am taking hurt my baby? There are so many things to consider….and worry about.
This blog will be about my journey to get past both the physical and mental obstacles of becoming a “bipolar mommy.” I welcome any comments or advice that anyone might give me on bipolar disorder, parenting with bipolar disorder, breastfeeding, diaper changing, poop, placentas, weird birth stories, or whatever may else may come to mind. And so….the journey begins.
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