The Bipolar Mommy

Mothers’ Bitchiness

During my lunch break today, I was reading “Shine,” which is one of my favorite blogs from Yahoo. I usually peruse the parenting section. I noticed today that about half of these articles had something to do with mothers and their bitchiness towards each other. The stay at home moms are criticizing the working moms for neglecting their children for their careers. The working moms are putting down the stay at home moms for neglecting their hopes and dreams for the sake of their children. The breastfeeding moms are attacking the formula moms telling them that because they choose not to breastfeed, their children will become child molesters, or lactose intolerant. And God forbid should someone choose to only bring one child into the world. If a woman does that, the child will be a lonely, spoiled shell of a human being who is incapable of human interaction.

This last one touches a nerve with me because I am seriously considering becoming a “one child mom.” My biggest reason for this is because of Bipolar Disorder. Stress is a major trigger for me. As I have learned by watching and listening to parents, nothing is more stressful than being a parent. I have always known in my heart that I was meant to be a mother, but I also know my limitations as far as how much I can handle. When I watch my sister with her three children, all close in age, I want to run and hide, and they aren’t even my children! Don’t get me wrong. They are not bad kids. I adore them. I just find it very difficult to pay attention to all three at once. It is too much stimulation for me. Now, for a typical person, this probably sounds lame. However, for those reading this who have Bipolar Disorder, you probably understand. It is not just an annoyance. It feels like I am being swallowed whole.

For me, it is a matter of quality verses quantity. Would I rather be able to reserve some shred of my sanity and devote quality time to one child, or have multiple children who stress me out causing me to hide in the closet with a bucket over my head? I’m not saying I have decided. Mark and I basically share the approach of “wait and see.” We’ll have one, and if we feel like it, we’ll have another one.

The point (yes there is one!) I’m getting to is this. Being a parent is a hard enough job as it is. Why are grown women telling each other how to raise their own children? Shouldn’t we be trying to work together and help each other? Why are mothers (and fathers) pitting themselves against each other? When did parenting become some sort of bullshit beauty pageant where there are winners and losers? I am not a mother yet, but in my perspective, it is all a defense mechanism. It is the typical schoolyard bully mentality. I’m insecure about myself, so I will pick on some other guy, and tell him how worthless he is and steal his lunch money. Now, it’s grown women who feel insecure about their abilities as parents and use others as a yardstick for their own competence.

The truth is this. Unless you beat and abuse your children, or tell them they are worthless pieces of shit, they are probably going to be okay. They are not going to become completely dysfunctional because mommy chose to have an epidural over doing it the old fashioned way. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others and just live our own lives and raise our own children. Stay at home moms – the next time a working mom asks you how changing diapers and cooking and cleaning all day can possibly be fulfilling, throw some of your homemade muffins at them. Formula moms – the next time your next door neighbor, who is still nursing her kindergartener by the way, tells you you’re a bad mother for not breastfeeding, tell her that the reason you decided not to was that you were afraid of your boobs looking as saggy as hers. Okay, maybe these aren’t the most mature ways to respond to these situations. But they weren’t trying to win any maturity contests when they stuck their noses (or boobs) in your business.